The kind of love acceptable to the Lord

Venerable John Climacus ~ The Ladder of Divine Ascent
Step 10 ~ On Slander

¶4. I have heard people slandering, and I have rebuked them. And these doers of evil replied in self-defence that they were doing so out of love and care for the person whom they were slandering. I said to them: ‘Stop that kind of love, otherwise you will be condemning as a liar him who said: “Him that privily talked against his neighbour, did I drive away.” If you say you love, then pray secretly, and do not mock the man. For this is the kind of love that is acceptable to the Lord.’ But I will not hide this from you (and of course be careful, lest you judge the offender): Judas was in the company of Christ’s disciples, and the thief was in the company of murderers. Yet it is a wondrous thing, how in a single instant, they exchanged places!

Remove a splinter with a lancet, not a stick

Venerable John Climacus ~ The Ladder of Divine Ascent
Step 8 ~ On Freedom from Anger

¶20. If you want, or rather intend, to take a splinter out of another person, then do not hack at it with a stick instead of a lancet, for you will only drive it in deeper. And this is a stick - rude speech and rough gestures. And this is a lancet - tempered instruction and patient reprimand. ‘Reprove,’ says the Apostle, ‘rebuke, exhort,’ but he did not say ‘beat.’ And if even this is a required, do it rarely, and not with your own hand.